Add One More To The List: Status Design's Porsche Cayenne
June 16, 2009
The inescapable question, after the initial wide-eyed shock and a string of expletives, is "Why?" We have a few theories. Perhaps Status Design saw our "Top 5 Worst-Looking Porsche Cayenne Tuners" list from May and took it as a challenge. The Russian-based tuning shop then spent the next month at the design table, burning countless man-hours to achieve this final product, this thing. If so, consider yourselves champions, Status Design. By light-years.
There's a more sinister hypothesis, too. This is a warning. A show of force. With these design renders, Status Design is offering the world a glimpse its capabilities. This is evil genius territory; the bald man whose face you never see, stroking a white cat on his lap, surrounded by large TV screens and henchmen. He's telling world leaders, "We can make this," he laughs, a booming sound that reverberates through the secret lair, "Unless..."
Unless what? Do they want ransom money? Oil? A country? Whatever it is, we plead they receive. Sorry, Venezuela, you have different owners now. It's for a greater good. You'll understand.
The scariest part is that this could only be the beginning. Today, the Porsche Cayenne. Tomorrow, the world. Someone call James Bond, GI Joe, Agent Cody Banks. Anyone.