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  • Breaking: Ferrari Finally Making an SUV

Breaking: Ferrari Finally Making an SUV

Marchionne Has Change of Heart, Says “Screw It, Let’s Do It.”

Apr 1, 2017
With seemingly every automotive brand on the planet producing some sort of SUV, there has remained one holdout that has steadfastly refused to get on board the SUV train: the ultra-high performance sports car brand Ferrari. Other brands that said “never” for years before finally folding under the pressure of ever-increasing sales goals include Jaguar, Bentley, Porsche, and now even Rolls-Royce. Ferrari CEO Sergio Marchionne has for years reiterated his intention of keeping Ferrari a pure sports car brand, saying that Ferrari would build an SUV “over my dead body.” Well, Marchionne is still very much alive, and has reportedly had a sudden and unexpected change of heart over the matter.
“I know I’ve said Ferrari would never do an SUV and have made somewhat colorful statements to that effect in the past, but let’s get real, folks. Ferrari is a business, not a gearhead charity, and it’s time the brand acknowledge the times we’re in and get with the program.” Marchionne went even further and shared one of his recent dreams where he was visited by Ferrari founder Enzo Ferrari. “So after a night of epic tortellini Bolognese and a few bottles of Grignolino, Enzo came to me in a dream and said, ‘Sergio, don’t be such a testa dura [hard-head]. If Ferruccio [Lamborghini] can build a tractor, we can build a truck. Tell your people I said it’s OK.’ So I woke up, called an impromptu board meeting, and told them, “Screw it, let’s do it. We’re building an SUV.”
When asked by assembled media for more details about the future Ferrari family hauler, Marchionne, in his trademark bravado, simply said, “Don’t worry. It’s going to be the baddest-ass SUV on the planet, I can assure you. The [Lamborghini] Urus will have nothing on us.” Pressed for more details, Marchionne said it would have “way more” power than any other SUV on the market, including the Grand Cherokee Trackhawk. When asked specifically how much more, he said, “We’re talking Bugatti-level power, people. At least 1,000 horse, minimum. You’re going to shit your pants and laugh like a maniac when you drive this thing.”
In terms of when the Ferrari super-SUV would be on the road, he said, “You’ll see the concept by 2019, and our goal is wheels on the road by 2022. It’s going to be one hell of an anniversary present,” he said in reference to the Ferrari brand’s 75th anniversary in 2022.

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