The results are crazier. We recorded a 106-foot stop from 60 mph, the shortest stopping distance we've ever seen from an SUV. Around our figure eight, the X6 M's fastest 25.1-second lap may lose to the Cayenne Turbo by 0.3 second, but it still matches the last M3 Competition we tested. At 0.91 average longitudinal g, the X6 M falls in line, again, with the CTS-V.
Driving it quickly is a maniacal experience. The rate at which the X6 M accelerates from a turn is best not to think about, because you're already overshot the next corner by the time you've computed it. Stomping the left pedal is akin to throwing a parachute, and, once you've shed enough speed, turning in presents a nimbleness that simply defies logic. Unless pressed aggressively, which we never recommend on public roads, the X6 M's chassis doesn't offer many cornering solutions beyond understeer. But fortunately, when you reach this point, you're going so fast that the thought of a four-wheel drift in an SUV is, well, disconcerting. Nevertheless, you're laughing entire time, because it doesn't make sense. It's Heath Ledger's Joker placing a pen on the table and asking, "How 'bout a magic trick?"
The X6 M is not a dancer. It's a brute. Its stiff ride can make your right foot dial in unwanted throttle adjustments on the sensitive gas pedal over rough pavement, causing the X6 M to buck back and forth with power. Sadly, the most unappealing part is the sound. Dry and without body, the exhaust note sounds like the first copy of "Gran Turismo" being played through a set of iPod earbuds. The X6 M should shoot flames.
Yet, as utterly capable and continually surprising as it may be, the X6 M nonetheless earns the endless ire of Very Serious Enthusiasts, mostly because its sole relation to the E30 M3 is that both have badges that are often confused with spinning propellers, and engines that make noise when turned on. But as obese and functionality absent (for an SUV) as it may be, we should celebrate the X6 M's madness. It's more appropriate for "Monty Python's Flying Circus" than reality, and yet here it is.
Stay nutty, engineers, stay nutty...