2012 BMW 528i Long-Term Update 4
The Ghost in the Ultimate Driving Machine
Although Halloween has passed, our long term 528i has seemed slightly haunted lately. Its paranormal antics ... began simply. All I did was open the door to get in -- and the power trunk lid started to open. That's weird. I walked back, closed it, got back in, slammed the door, and - it started opening again. Got out and slammed it again. It stays closed as long as it thinks I'm staring at it, or if the car is locked or moving. So after slamming it I've been running to the driver's seat to drive away as fast as possible.
Before I could, though, I had to take a quick flight to Denver. Pulling into the Airport's parking structure late, I tossed the ticket on the dash where I'd be sure to find it when I got back, grabbed my suitcase from the backseat, slammed closed the slowly opening haunted trunk lid, locked the car, and skedaddled towards the terminal.
Shortly after this started, I noticed a warning message saying that the car was overdue for an oil change. Now, that's simply impossible. It was changed at its first service, and nowhere near needing another one. What with the trunk's antics though, I anxiously made an appointment with our local priest, er, BMW technician, to check all this out.
It really was a dark and gloomy night when I got back and felt around the dash for the ticket, and -- no ticket. Gone. I slid my hand all over the dash. Nothing. Did I put it somewhere else? Desperate to avoid a parking lot attendant who lives for moments like this, I began to tear the car apart. Some genuinely startling things turned up (I'm not the only one who drives this car). But no ticket. Our ghost again.
Finally, I remembered the flashlight app on my iPhone. I aimed it around the dash where I swore I put the ticket. And there, in a very thin slot where the dash disappears beneath the base of the windshield (which is blacked out there so you can't see anything from the outside) was a tip of white paper. I fished it out with a sharp pencil. Yep, the ticket. Now, I ask you -- why in the world is there a thin slot at the base of a dashboard capable of consuming thin objects like a parking lot ticket tossed onto a dash? I don't know. But at least it wasn't a ghost.
Nor was the oil change warning. After briefly puzzling over the 528i's logged service data, the BMW technician finally decided that the oil light simply hadn't been turned off at its first service (which was at a different dealership). Well, if it's actually been on all this time, I need an eye exam.
And then there's the trunk. The technician asked "Sir, could you show me the problem?" I got in and out, repeatedly slammed the doors, noticeably looked the other way -- and nothing. "Well, I can't figure this out if nothing wrong is happening, sir." I sheepishly drove home.
The following weekend I opened the trunk in my driveway and was reaching way into it to retrieve something that had slid forward when -- wherrrrr, the lid started to automatically close. "Ahhhh!" I yelled, as my world darkened and I felt the lid's edge pressing against my back. The car's attacking me! Fortunately the object-detection sensor stopped it. The ghost in the Ultimate Driving Machine may no longer be a friendly one.
And if the BMW technician doesn't figure it out this time, I'm going to start wearing a crucifix.
|Service life||10 months/21,082 miles|
|Average fuel economy||25.1 mpg|
|CO2 emissions||0.77 lb/mile|
|Energy consumption||134 kW-hr/100 mile|